Men Behaving Badly and the Missing Woman

Once again, we’re talking about two men and their bad behavior. One told a crass joke. The other slapped him and used profanity during a live broadcast.

Lost in this whole debate over who did wrong is the woman who was wronged by BOTH men.

Her name is Jada Pinkett Smith, an actress and singer, named by Time magazine in 2021 as one of the 100 most influential people in the world. She also has an autoimmune condition, alopecia, which causes hair loss. To cope with this condition, she frequently shaves her head or wears her hair very closely cropped.

The comedian who was hosting the awards show on Sunday night told a crass joke about Pinkett Smith’s appearance and her hair. I purposely refuse to mention his name or link to the gazillion pieces about his so-called “joke.” First of all, in what world is any woman’s appearance a joke? Women do not exist to be pleasing to men or anyone else. Tall, short, fat, skinny, athletic, clumsy, blonde, brunette, redhead or gray – we aren’t here to be fashion plates or uphold some idealized image of beauty and grace.

And yet, we are….

Pinkett Smith grimaced after the comedian told his joke, frowned in what appeared to be dismay. Her husband saw her reaction and bounded up on the stage during a live broadcast and slapped the comedian. When he returned to his seat, he shouted, “Keep my wife’s name our of your fucking mouth.”

Some people view the actions of Pinkett Smith’s husband positively, that he was standing up for his wife and protecting her honor. His actions demonstrate love and respect for his wife.

Bullshit!

Pinkett Smith is not her husband’s property. She’s most definitely her own person and completely capable of defending herself against crass jokes. This is a woman named one of the most influential women in the world! She doesn’t need a man to fight her battles for her.

But we have fallen into the trap of viewing her husband’s actions as heroic, that a man who resorts to violence – whether an open handed slap, a baseball bat or a hail of bullets – is a hero when he’s defending a woman. Think of A Time to Kill or a more recent storyline on A Million Little Things.

Hey guys, let me clue you in on a key piece of advice: When a woman is abused – whether she’s the butt of a joke or viciously raped – sit down, shut up and let her tell you what she needs from you to support her.

Pinkett Smith has all but disappeared from the media stories about the two men and the slap heard ’round the world. The headlines about her are all about how “brave” she is for talking about her alopecia and “going public” with her struggles. As if her hair and how she wears it are anyone’s business.

I watched my sister struggle with hair loss during her chemotherapy. Another dear friend shed tears when she shaved her head during chemo. I colored my own hair for decades to hide the gray. I am guilty of clicking on pictures whenever the Duchess of Cambridge wears her long, chestnut locks in a new style. We are conditioned to view women’s hair as their shining glory.

Meanwhile, we perpetuate these twin myths: that women are there for the male view and that women need a man to defend their honor.

Instead the woman who has been abused has disappeared from the headlines and the debate again focuses on the rightness or wrongness of male actions.

As if the woman never really existed at all — except for her missing hair.

‘London Has Fallen’ Serves Up More of the Same

Last week I went to see “London Has Fallen.” Gerard Butler plays Mike Banning, President Benjamin Asher’s primary secret service agent. Asher, played by Aaron Eckhart, is targeted in a massive terror attack in London. I won’t give away the main spoilers, but it’s a typical action-packed macho movie with lots of plot twists and some funny lines.

One part of the story really bothered me. Banning’s partner Lynne Jacobs, played by Angela Bassett, is portrayed as a tough as nails, competent and caring agent. She’s tender enough to agree to be godmother to her partner’s infant and smart enough to plan the president’s security detail in London.

I should have known she wouldn’t be given any respect when I saw her emerge in London wearing four-inch stilettos with her serious pants suit. During the initial action scenes, she screams and waits for instruction from her partner. She is clearly not up for the challenging circumstances and ultimately is killed in the opening action scene. [sorry for the spoiler!]

Here’s an opportunity to give a strong black woman a meaty role that shows her intelligence, her skills and her tenacity. Instead she’s a shaky, screaming victim. As soon as she dies, the movie becomes the white boys brotherhood.

I’m a white woman who enjoys a great deal of privilege in my life. I cannot pretend to understand what black women experience and feel. And, it’s entirely possible had the role been cast as a white woman, the outcome would have been the same. Still, I could not ignore that horrible sinking feeling watching Bassett’s character become what happens to too many black women in movies. She’s not only marginalized by being killed off early, she’s portrayed as not being up to the job.

During the 2015 Emmy Awards, Viola Davis, in accepting her award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series, quoted Harriet Tubman and then said this: “You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are simply not there.”

“The 2015 Hollywood Diversity Report: Flipping the Script” by the Ralph J. Bunch Center for African American Studies at UCLA documents the dismal showing of people of color in the entertainment industry. The disconnect is especially apparent because audience composition reflects this nation’s diversity and box office success also is just as likely to come to films with diverse casts.

Bassett played her “London” role well. She’s an outstanding actress, albeit severely limited by typecasting and marginalized in one of the most cruel ways possible. Casting her in this highly visible character for the movie was a smart decision. The producers, however, didn’t follow through on their promise to develop her character. Despite Davis’ moving speech, despite all the attention called to the need for meaningful roles for women of color, we’re still being subjected to more of the same.

 

Special thanks to my former State News colleague and friend Rhonda Sewell, who pointed me to the study and read a draft of this piece.